We all know that people don’t always see things the same way. Most of the time we manage it fine. However, a situation gets tricky when it involves your loved ones.
Over the last couple of years my way of life had changed for the better in that it now supports my passion and growth. It was great until I faced the reality of visiting family. Major anxiety rose up because I am not the same person they knew before. How do I handle the drastic differences in our way of thinking? This was not obvious to me in the least! I was worried that in the presence of the old environment I will get pulled back to the patterns I inherited but no longer desire.
Of course my family and I love each other but there are obstacles only they can overcome for themselves when they are ready. I can’t change their life for them. Sound familiar?
My friend Lynne did an Akashic Records reading for me about my anxiety. My Records advised that this trip was the opportunity for me to break the patterns deeply rooted in the family tree which in turn will lift up the whole family energetically. To do that successfully, I needed to release as much as possible all the family related burdens I carried since childhood.
Well, who does not have a few issues with even the best childhood? Who wants to revisit those unpleasant memories even though they were just part of being human? My immediate reaction to that advice was “I put it behind me already. I can’t believe there is more work to do. Are you kidding me?” I was upset that after all the work I have done to help myself move forward in life now that I have to look back again? I did not want to feel those emotions again…
When I was very young I got sick a lot. As I grew older, I understood that trips to the emergency room and treatments to my illness cost lots of money. Therefore, I believed that it was my fault that my family did not have enough money. I felt that I got injured or sick because I did not listen to my mother, who was always telling me to be careful about everything I did and watch every step I took.
Cautious and penny-pinching were my nicknames since high school. Through my actuarial career, making money was important so that I can give money to my family freely, and yes, to reduce the guilt I had. But look at me. I am fine now! How can I not be after all the modalities I learned to help myself? Besides, I know my soul chose my family to help me become more aware and enlightened and that should be the end of the story, is it not?
After the reading, I wanted to take pictures of the foliage. Lynne and I went to Castel Craig and found out it was closed to cars that day. I was disappointed. She suggested that we can hike up to Chaucy Peak with drums and do toning which she does often.
I hesitated because I have not exercised for years and Lynne runs and hikes routinely. Nevertheless, she told me not to worry about slowing her down and that she will help me. It felt like I knew I was going hiking given that I had jeans and sneakers on instead of my usual sweat pants and sandals so off we went.
The little mountain was steep and rocky. There was no path or clear trail. I followed Lynne’s footsteps as much as possible. My knees and back started hurting half way up. I was out of breath quickly and had to take frequent stops to rest.
We came across a pile of rocks going up vertically. Lynne went up easily. I watched where she stepped but could not find my footing. I did not know where to take the next step. I looked around in absolute panic thinking that there was no way up and no way down. Lynne kept reassuring me that it is okay, coached me where to step on next, and encouraged me to just find a spot to step on one at a time.
It felt like I stood there forever trying to figure out what to do. I do not know how but finally I managed to put all my fears aside, and I took the next step. Immediately I saw a female being above me in the air, extending her hands to grab and lift me up. Clearly it was not my own strength that helped me climb up those rocks in just a few seconds! There was no effort or thought given to figure out where to go next on my part. In those few seconds, I understood that the female being was Mother Mary.
That was quite beyond my comprehension, to say the least. How can it be? I thought. Yes, I heard those miraculous stories before. But those stories were extraordinary matters related to life and death. Me? I was just stuck on rocks in the mountain and overwhelmed by fears.
A few moments later, my mind began to work again as we continued to go up on flatter ground. Suddenly I realized that the fears I had while stuck on the rocks were from my childhood. I was afraid that if I took one wrong step something bad would happen just like when I was little. I would fall and break a limb or even worse. This startled me big time as I was pretty sure that I worked through those fears already.
It was a relief that I made it to the top without breaking anything on my body. The foliage was breath-taking. It was so peaceful and majestic with a 360 degree view of natural surroundings. Lynne did toning with her drum. I drummed and did toning too. In toning, I asked to release lower vibrations of inherited emotional patterns to mother earth.
Coming down I was sliding on my butt for most of the way to be safe since I literally could not stand up on the steep slope. Thank goodness I had jeans on! Looking down I did not know how I got up there before. WOW, it was really steep.
Lynne offered her hand to help me many times but I kept saying no thank you. Finally I accepted her help only because I could not move forward without fear of falling down the hill. It was such a big difference with her help. I felt safe and the slope became manageable coming down.
At one point when Lynne was holding my hand guiding me for the next step, I was made aware somehow that this is what a mother would do for a child in times of difficulty. I was given an opportunity to experience being supported by a loving hand to guide me through obstacles. Tears came down as I understood that this experience was to help me release more completely and heal more deeply!
Little did I know this hike was a pivotal point leading to all the upcoming shifts!